I didn’t sleep well last night, the night was filled with strange dreams and I woke up just a little past 6am with teary eyes, with only 4 hours sleep in total.

My heart is filled with anguish, sorrow and pain. I prayed feverently. I asked God many questions of why and how, my own intelligence cannot comprehend the complexity of the incident. Why have You blessed upon him such incident, where is Your Love, where is Your Grace? What does Love and Grace have anything to do with THIS? I still don’t have a clear answer. But I know God is all forgiving and He has already forgiven what has happened.

I tell myself not to judge, for I do not know what soul journey another has with the Creator, therefore I have no right to condemn.

But God, I pray that You will stay close to the ones being affected by this incident. I pray Your Love will comfort them in their sorrow, sooth the pain in their anguish, whisper Your wisdom to them in their sleep and waking hour. For it is Your promise that You’ll stay close to those who are broken hearted, it is Your promise that You’ll comfort those who are in pain.   

And I pray that God You heal me, for my heart screams a silent scream, I feel weighed down by the sorrow of others. I know that no ammount of compassion from us mortal beings can heal the wound of those being affected right now, but I pray that through Your Love and Compassion, all wounds be healed.

Amen

昨天参加了萧东山牧师的音乐布道会，恩，让我来写一下感动好了。

听完牧师用saxophone演奏的两首老歌，感叹，上帝真的很爱他，给他这么美好的恩赐。上帝也很爱我们在座的人，让我们能听到这么美妙的音乐。感谢上帝(好啦，我就是很喜欢老歌）。

萧牧师和我们分享了他人生的见证，听他说到他的妹妹跳楼的时候，我难过的想哭，心想，天啊，为什么这么多的杯具能在一个人身上发生？从而感受到，人的渺小，生命的脆弱(告诉自己，别觉得你很了不起啊，上帝动一个手指头就能把你捏个粉碎！！），我们现在所拥有的金钱，地位，感情，一转眼，就过了，都不是永恒的，不知道哪一天，我们就会失去我们曾经抓的很紧的东西。

我也感叹，上帝的爱，力量真的很伟大，能在一个人承受这么多痛苦的时候安慰他，使用他，并且让他成为我们在座每一个人的祝福。在这个没有永恒的地上，上帝是永恒的，他的爱是永恒的。（AMEN AMEN)

晚上回到家里，坐在床上，我想了很多，想着想着，眼泪就啪啪的掉了下来，其中滋味很难描述，有悲伤，有感叹，有感恩，很多很多… …

我问上帝，在这个没有永恒的世界里，我该怎么办？（幽默的我会调侃的回答自己：凉拌，再加个鸡蛋，但是昨天晚上没有什么幽默的心情～）

我和上帝说，在这个没有永恒的世界里，我很恐惧。

很久很久，我都睡不着，发现自己内心深处，有很多恐惧与不安。

那些恐惧和不安，让我久久不能入眠。

自己觉得是一个很乐天的人，原来也能有这么多的insecurities. 

不知道几点我睡着了，当我第二天迷糊醒来的时候，我听见有声音说：不要惧怕，把一切都交给我。

我知道，上帝爱着我。

回想到前几日和一朋友聊天时说，我结婚的时候，要拍只有白色背景的大头婚纱照（我就要新郎新娘眼神的互动！）。

然后朋友就说，万一新郎不好看那就不能拍那样的照片，只能拍有外景的。

但是我知道，不管我未来的先生帅不帅，在我眼里，他就是最帅的（再说我本来就喜欢实力派）。

不管我未来的先生工作好不好，在我眼里，他的工作是上帝的恩典，就是最好的。

不管别人说我未来的先生是不是一个好男人（我们在上帝眼里不都是罪人吗！但是上帝都有继续爱我们呀！），但是在我眼里，他就是最好的，因为他是上帝赐给我的。

AMEN (我就是这么倔，你能拿我怎么样，哼哼）

恩，我还有跟上帝祷告，让我变成一个有智慧的好女人（其实我真的是个好人啦，哪有像他们昨天说我这么坏！！！），这样我才能给我以后的家庭最好的。

我觉得, 我在学习人生非常重要的一课.

或者说, 上帝每天都在和我沟通, so much so that I’m learning to listen to the voice within.

上帝说: 不要害怕, 因为我和你同在. Fear not my darling child, for I’m with you every step along the way.

于是我有能力说: 你不错, 但是我们还是做朋友吧.

上帝说: 你的身体是我的殿. Your body is my temple, so treat it with respect and dignity. Feed it with nutritious food, rest it with plenty sleep, keep it in shape with weekly workouts, and Love it, just like I have Loved you.

于是我有能力拒绝别人的侵犯.

上帝说: Don’t worry if people think you are a stuck up snob/bitch just because you refuse them. It is NOT important what they think of you, it IS important what you think of yourself. It is NOT important what they think of you, because I know who you are, and I Love you.

于是我有能力说: I don’t want to give you my number; I don’t want to chat with you on the phone; I don’t want to be your girlfriend. Thank you but no thank you.

 (我真的不是snobbish bitch啦, 可是不喜欢就是不喜欢 at least I’m honest)

今天早上，素颜被妈妈看到。

妈妈说，女儿最近气色很好，脸蛋白里透红。

妈妈说，一定是因为最近都很早睡。

妈妈说，你以前啊，天天很晚睡，所以就像黄脸婆。

我打断了妈妈，问她要不要煮咖啡喝。

今天中午，和闺蜜午饭聊天。

闺蜜关心自己的近况。

将最近发生的一些事和闺蜜说，

闺蜜露出欣慰的笑脸，对我说，你做的对。

我也露出欣慰的笑脸，对自己说，长大了，我感恩，我满足。

今天傍晚，一个人窝在床上看犀利人妻最终回，

眼泪忍不住一粒一粒从脸颊滴下，

泪珠滑过嘴唇的时候，抿一抿嘴，眼泪，是咸的。

告诉自己，不要怕。

今天晚上，帮妈妈和自己煮了一杯核桃芝麻热豆奶。

告诉妈妈，要给身体补一补，要讲究健康。

妈妈端过热豆奶，喝了一口，说，很香。

突然很想念啊妈，想念阿妈在我小时候就一直碎碎念，要保养，要健康饮食。

其实，阿妈和阿公都很讲究健康，自己从小和她们一起住，所以可能是她们从小就启发了我。

犀利人妻中蓝天尉的妈妈对她儿子说：“我感觉到这个女孩子有一个特别的优点，一个让人想变成一个更好的人的优点 ”

我想变成一个更好的人，因为上帝造了我，让我做盐，做光。

我要找的那个他，是一个能让我想变成更好的我的人。

我知道，上帝有听我的祷告。

Given that I’m planning to become a nutritionist/naturalpath in the near future, taking good care of my own health as well as the health of my immediate family seems obvious. So I made it my birthday resolution that my daily life should be focused on HEALTH.

A couple of weeks back Fitness First came to give us a BioAge test (with the intension of selling their gym membership of course!!), for those who don’t know what a BioAge test means, in simple terms it’s a test which measures your biological age, of how ‘old’ your body is.

And I scored 24, which I’m pretty happy about  (now you can all start guessing how old I really am LOL)

Basically, my lung capacity is excellent (surprising to myself given I don’t do any intense cardio workout, but I do do a lot of breathing exercise through years of Pilates); I scored 90/100 on the nutritional test (well, I study that stuff!!); I have good waiste to hip ratio (which measures the health of a person, and the risk of developing serious health conditions).

The only thing that raised my attention was that they scored me as slightly under weight, at 43.3kg my BMI was slightly low. (I’ll just eat more of the good stuff that’s easy), in the end, they found it hard to sell me the idea of joining their gym, simply because!!

I’m very grateful for my health, for my need to be healthy, for my eagerness to share healthy living ideas with friends and family.

Anyhow, here’s a few healthy changes I made so far:

1. I am making nutritious chinese soup on weekly basis for the family.

2. I have pilates workout twice a week every week. (I can’t emphasize the importance of this exercise, I’d recommend it to women of all ages, and it’s better if you start young)

3. I’m consulting a personal pilate instructor to correct my workout routine so I get the maximum benefit out of my workout.

4. I drink 8+ glasses of water everyday, 3 of them being Japanese green tea.

5. I take a grapeseed extract suppliment everyday.

6. I make sure I eat two different fruits and 2 different vegetables per day.

7. I cut out alcohol.

8. I’m cutting down on my meat consumption, while I don’t think I can become a vegetarian anytime soon, but I’m slowly focusing more on plant based food rather than animal product.

9. I switched my personal care products (shampoo, conditioner and most of my skincare products) from harsh chemical products you get from supermarkets to organic herbal remedies from health food stores (trust me if you do your research, going organic won’t break your budget)

10. I’m in bed by 10.30pm and sleep by 11pm on weekdays and waking up around 6.30am every morning.

11. While I still indulge myself with the occasional Maccas and sweet treats, I don’t beat myself up for it. You need to be kind to your body before your body would be kind to you.

12. I PRAY

I learnt to say No, I learnt that being by myself can be loving and fulfilling, I learnt that I don’t want physical intimacy unless it’s in union with the Spirit and in union with God.

And that, is very good.

Thank God.

Was in bed by 10 and slept at 11 sharp on birthday night. 

After I turned off the light, I said a prayer, I prayed and prayed and prayed … until there’s nothing else to say … when I opened my eyes and checked the time again, it went on for exactly 23 minutes. 

I remember someone used to say, you can be alone, you don’t have to feel lonely.

Yes, I am alone, but not feeling lonely. 

And that’s OK …

I woke up a little earlier now, I watched the sky gradually getting brighter and brighter, that first break of darkness, the first glimpse of light, of hope, of love, that tender love I felt for self.

I tell self, don’t worry, I Love You.

I take my time in carrying out morning rituals, take a shower, make myself a warm lemon water, take care in putting on my makeup, talk to the cats, pat the cats, feed the cats, watch them eat … 

I do a final check at myself in the mirror, and step out into a new day, knowing God is watching over me, taking care of me, so I smiled. 

Thank you. 

再过几天就是我的生日

去年的生日，和他一起过。

今年的生日，和自己一起过。

去年的生日，很有被爱的感觉。

今年的生日，很有被爱的感觉。

感谢我的朋友，像一层一层的光环一样，围绕着我，给我阳光，给我温暖。

谢谢你们，给我的爱。

感谢我的家人（和住在我家的有缘人），像一个安全的避风港，给我安全感，给我一个家。

谢谢你们，给我的爱。

谢谢上帝（我知道你其实不需要我的感谢），在我认识你和不认识你的时候，你都陪着我，

我哭的时候你安慰我，我笑的时候你陪我一同笑，

你爱我，所以我才能爱人。

我收到的卡片，真的很可爱

星期四的晚上十点

一个人坐在厨房，一边喝着妈妈磨的核桃豆浆，一边煮着莲籽红枣汤，

想着刘医生去年说的话，要放宽心，好好调养自己的身体，仿佛又看到刘医生慈祥的笑容，

我笑了，

我想他如果知道我现在这么乖，一定会很开心。

小宝照惯例要坐在我身边，陪我一起写日志，一个人，一只猫。

红枣汤的香味慢慢的飘过来… … 

今天想分享一下护肤的心得

其实原理很简单：自然就是美

护肤品化妆品不一定贵的就是好。

又天然，又便宜的才是最好。

从去年年底开始，开始把浴室里的香波，护发素，沐浴露都换成了Biologika Organic Range。

他们家的产品用起来让我很放心，因为：

Enriched with organic ingredients and FREE from

• Sulphates
• Animal Ingredients
• Artificial Fragrances and colours
• Parabens
• Mineral oils
• Mineral Phosphates
• Bleaching and brightening agents

前段时间还看到一个报道说Paraben有致癌的可能，天天把这些harsh ingredients往身上灌，怎么能让人放心呢？

我有推荐很多朋友把shampoo换成organic range的，不少都和我说效果很明显，连妈妈都说觉得她的头发比以前好很多。

最让人开心的不过与给朋友真心的推荐，然后她们都很喜欢，好东西要大家分享吗！

如果我的人生是一幅画 … 

如果上帝給我一支畫筆 … 

我希望，能在每一個人的生命中，劃下最美的一筆。

Because “Verily verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not unto one of these least, ye did it not unto me.”

Amen

And I thank God everyday, for drawing beautiful pictures in my world, for filling my world with Love and Light, for blessing me the OPPORTUNITY to love others so I can pass just that fraction of Love He has given me. 

我活著，所以我感恩。

像大家一样，我喜欢long weekend 

long weekend多出来的一天，可以做些自己喜欢的事情。

早上睡到自然醒，看看手机，才八点多。

赖在穿上到9点，拖着惺忪的身体，“爬”进浴室，洗个澡 

一大屋子的人都在睡觉，一个人，安安静静，煮壶咖啡；

打开煲汤宝典，看看，今天煲什么汤呢？

决定，煲个苦瓜炖排骨，本来还想加一些葛花的，但是来不及去Box Hill，下次去时记得买一点回家，藏起来 

昨天在家里大叫喜欢陈绮真的歌，但是不知道怎么从internet上下载（我是古代人），

DD好可爱，搜了她的歌，下给我，

Thank God for my beautiful life 

今天太阳好好，我要趴在窗台上，陪我家两宝晒太阳。

（下次要分享一下我的skin care, stay tuned!)

原来，我还是不可以，不是不可以，是不愿意。

原来，我还是做不到，不是做不到，是不想做。

昨天去看了陈绮真的演唱会，

本来对她没有特别的印象，只是偶尔听过她的几首歌。

演唱会很成功，因为我被她的才华深深吸引。

始终，我还是喜欢实力派。

她演唱会的背景图案好温馨，好有创意，好有心，好有爱。

歌词写的能够打动我的心。

有时候会问自己，为什么 动心，这么难？

有时候会问自己，为什么 不能像平常人一样，谈场恋爱，拍个拖。

然后听到一个声音说：因为 你长大了。

然后 我笑了。

There’s no body to body attachment, no mind to mind madness in real love. It’s a spirit to spirit connection, heart to heart talk, feeling to feeling communication. This is what I’m up to.