Just testing …

I was thinking of moving to wordpress to start afresh, but if this Xanga thingy has come back I wouldn’t mind staying here …

Let’s see …

I have a lot I want to blog about

Xanga is where I dreamed, where I loved, where I shattered, where I searched, where I … …

我在，或者不在，
爱就在这里，
不舍，不得

So Xanga will close down on the 17 July I heard? Maybe it’s time to move to WordPress

There are days when I just feel so tired that everything feels like they are sinking down and down and down. 

I guess that’s what happens when you are working full time, studying part time, as well as having a sick baby at home who wakes up in the middle of the night … … 

Sometimes I wish if I could just have a day to myself where I can just snuggle up in my blanket, watch some soap on iPad, and sleep the rest of the day away … … now that’s a luxury I would not have anytime soon.

But that’s alright, life goes on … …

A while ago, I said I have found my calling. Two weeks ago, I finally enrolled in a Bachelor course in Naturopathy. There, something I feel strongly about. Hopefully by taking that degree, it would turn my job into a career and ultimately a lifestyle. What I want is waking up in the morning, looking forward to the day’s activity, enjoy the work I do, not just for the money. I think I’m on my way already! That’s the thoughts which keeps me going on a day like this one when I feel completely run down. Of course no one notices much anyway. 

Studying so far has been OK, I can listen to the lectures while on the train commuting to and from work, participate in online discussion forums when the baby is in bed sleeping at night, I still try to score 7 hours sleep every night, so everyday I average about 2 hours studying, make it 6 days a week that’s 12 hours, enough for two subjects. The first two subjects I took were History of Healing and Human Biology, both are my weaknesses. Never liked history or biology, but understanding that I have to go through these in order to reach my goal, it’s OK, I can live with that. 

Let me remind myself I should write here more. 

最近在帮婴儿做副食，

虽然说每天都上班，

但也想让婴儿吃上有营养的食物，

所以每个周末都会花上半天时间来采购原材料和烹饪。

这周的主题是：Garden salad combo

虽然说我不是一个有机食品的fanatic,
但是还是不希望小小的肠胃吃下很多化学农药和杀虫剂。
于是决定wherever possible给他买organic products.
I don’t believed commercially produced food with added pesticides and growth inhancing chemicals are good for anyone.

原材料：

西兰花，豆子，南瓜，胡萝卜

还有烤熟的南瓜

接下来就是把煮烂的蔬菜拌都在一起

Big W 前段时间在搞活动，一个mini blender才12块，这么便宜就赶紧收一个，以后不做baby food还能拿来blend herbs

搅拌后：

虽然看上去不怎么样，但是真得很营养！

分成几小碗，放冰箱里。

从买原材料到上冰箱，一共也就花了半天时间，这样婴儿一周的蔬菜都有了。

I’ve always admired the ones who knew exactly what they want to do in life from an early age. 

I’ve asked myself over and over again “what do you want to do in life?”

Over and over again I got not much of an answer. 

Everyday it seems like I get up, I go to work, I come home, I sleep. 

I can’t help but think, Life Has Got to be More than That!!!

I would be happy if on waking up every morning I look forward with anticipating with the tasks laying ahead. 

I would be happy knowing the things I do everyday helps people to be happier. 

I would be happy when I reflect on the life I had before I die knowing I’m pleased with what I have done during this lifetime. 

I would be happy if the strong yearning I hold comes true, one day. 

And so far, at the rate I’m going, I’m unlikely to achieve any of that. (Gosh that’s some deep stuff I’m thinking.. hmm… what has gotten into me!!)

I hear that 30s are much better than 20s because in our 30s we’ve figured out what we want in life, we become more grounded. In our 20s, we merely race through life experimenting, exploring ourselves and finding out where we fit in. 

And I was hoping that as I approach my big 3 O there would be this magical moment when everything suddenly becomes crystal clear. (wishful thinking huh?) Even though I was thinking such thought, I didn’t really expect anything magical to happen as such. 

Little did I know that I would really truly find my calling (WOW….and why would I be surprised anyway? I think life so far has treated me with blessings after blessings…)

I think I found where I want to take life beyond my 30s, more specifically what career path I want to take. 

Rather than calling it a career or a job, I want it to be my life and defining who I am. And I think I’ve just found that. 

But I can see some riddles I need to get through before I commence on that paths. 

And when the riddles sort themselves out (knowing they will), I can write more on what this magical calling is… … 

Okay so I’m internalizing some emotions, hence the seemingly random entry I wrote before. 

Anyways… … 

As I go through the daily newspaper today, I came across this article: Cafe with a Cause

Basically this person is opening a train of cafes to use a commercial mean in order to help the homeless young finding jobs and homes in the society.

I feel this is an excellent idea and an inspiration to people out there who want to make the society a better place for everyone. 

But it is sad to see that this article only occupied a little space on the side of the column on the online newspaper website, whereas political debate, violence, new gadget release and the likes occupy front page headlines. 

So in which direction is social media trying to focus our attention? We seem to pay more attention to having the newest iPhone, different political parties backstabbing one another and yet another innocent citizen has died a grotesque death caused by his fellow citizen. 

On second thought, how can we blame the media, those stories sell, just like sex sells in advertising. Kate Middleton’s nude photos made headlines on many newspaper across the globe, why? Because paper sells better when there’s scandalous stories on the front page. 

It makes me a little sad to see media has gone the way it has, or rather I should say I’m a little dismayed by the direction in which we focus our attention. 

一切都有安排

如果那一年我走了，今天我就不会是现在的自己。

但是我没有走，因为XANGA的年月积累下无数斑斓的感动，文字像画笔般勾勒出白天黑夜，寂寞的猫咪，慵懒的下午，安静的海边… … XANGA成了心灵休息的地方，不是幻想。

今天我留在这里，陪伴我的是感恩的心。

I send you love and light, whichever path you take.

As I was having my sip of coffee and reading my morning paper I came across this article: 

How To Survive Your Saturn Return!

While I’m not an avid believer in Astrology, the above article did catch my attention. 

 Never compare yourself to anyone else. No matter what stage you’re at right now, that is the exact place you should be. We all move, grow & mature at different times, but that doesn’t make any of us better or worse than one another. Someone may have their career all figured out but their relationships are a mess, while you might have your spirituality on lock but haven’t learned to save any money yet. It’s okay. You’ll get there. Take it one day at a time. (OK, think I’m doing OK on that)

 Take responsibility for your thoughts & actions. I say this over & over & over, but now is REALLY the time to put it into action! You will never be in control of your life or your emotions until you start to own up to everything you think & everything you do. (Need to work harder on that)

 Choose your place in the world carefully. If where you are at — either mentally, emotionally, spiritually or physically — is not working for you, & if you know deep down in your gut that it is wrong, then change it. The only person with the power to change your life is YOU. (Couldn’t agree more!)

 Start journalling, if you’re not already. My Saturn return started on Saturday (!!!) & I have literally been waking up in the middle of the night with profound thoughts & realisations about my own patterns & psychology. Take notes of all of these things! It is one of the best ways to work through them. (doing it now)

 Look at your issues around men. This is relevant for women particularly. Saturn represents the father, & it is extremely common for our “daddy issues” to rear their heads during our Saturn return. Examine the kinds of men you attract into your life & your relationships to them. (OK, I admit I need to work through my issues with men, particularly “daddy issues”)

 Start to schedule your time. The return of Saturn is telling you — in no uncertain terms — that it’s time to grow up. The days of being late, disorganised or forgetful are over! I started using Google Calendar last year & it has changed my life, no joke! Be sure to schedule in things you want to do, too, like a yoga class or a workshop. It’ll make it even more likely to actually happen! (Yes, time management, esp now with the little one on board)

 Recognise that your life is your own, & no one can tell you who or what to be or do. If your lover is controlling, tell him or her to back off! If your family is pressuring you to follow a certain path, explain to them that you are going to follow your passions & dreams no matter what! Start to create boundaries around your life. Otherwise, people will bulldoze right over you. (Keep telling myself: I will not be forced/pushed into anything I don’t feel right about)

 Get on top of the little things: pay your bills on time, set up automatic payments to go into a savings account, go to the doctor & the dentist, go through all your mail & make sure you are 100% on top of it. I know this might seem like an overwhelming task, but it’s not! Just break it down into little pieces & tick them off, day by day.

 Start saying no. I would bet $100 that you have more on your plate than is necessary. I would bet another $500 that these things are causing you stress, anxiety & the occasional pimple! Review the things you do, & start crossing some of them out of your life permanently. Your time & energy are valuable. Better to do a few things well, than a hundred things sub-par…(Think I say plenty nos … LOL)

 Process Saturn’s lessons… because if you don’t, you’ll be doomed to repeat them further down the line. Take time for yourself. Meditate on the changes & give yourself the space you need to work through them. (Meditate)

 Learn to view change as a positive thing. During your Saturn return, you might get divorced, lose your job, or realise your friends weren’t ever really there for you at all. All of these things HURT, but they only hurt as much as you allow them to. Recognise that getting divorced creates space in your life for someone who truly loves you. Losing your job frees you to follow your passions & do something meaningful. Discovering the truth about your faux-friends will allow real, true, deep friendships to emerge. (Get divorced? For goodness sake I just got married LOL)

 Let go of your grudges & bitterness. A lot happens in the lead-up to 29. We are not the same as we were when we were 17 or 23 (thankfully!), & maybe we are a little less enthusiastic, or a little more cautious these days. Don’t be. Learn from your mistakes, learn from the people around you, but still strive onward with positivity. Don’t allow your past disappointments to shape your future. (The art of letting-go, sigh…)

 Take chances, & work hard. Saturn rewards hard-workers & risk-takers. This is not the time to play it safe or play small. Take action & recognise that your inclinations towards procrastination or idle time-wasting are over! (Get over procrastination, I must)

Personally speaking, I believe I’ve gone through my fair share of Saturn’s Return. The break-up, the union, the newborn, the career, the family … A lot has changed/happened in the past 2 years, things happened so quickly that I didn’t even have a chance to press the Pause button, I guess that’s what Saturn’s Return is isn’t it? I mean if I had the chance to pause and step through the changes in a calculated manner then nothing would really catch me off guard. It is only when I look back and collect the pieces, I hope I’d learn something valuable from the experience, and hopefully, come out a little wiser. 

时间过的超快，转眼我都回来工作了，转眼小孩都半岁了。

很高兴说自己又回到了原来的SIZE(if not smaller)，原来穿的工作服现在都能穿，原来穿来有些紧的衣服现在也能穿（难道生小孩还有减肥的功效？）。这样就省了不少买新衣服的钱（虽然还是有买一些）

因为休息了半年多，虽然工作没有丢掉，但是升值加薪自然也轮不到我。想想这半年来的经济损失，好心疼啊！（休息的3个月只有MINIMUM WAGE，还不够付房贷的，不尽感叹，有工作真好！！）所以决心要节省，因为实在是没有多余的钱来乱花。

我承认自己是一个蛮superficial的女人，宁愿在吃上节省一点也要让自己漂漂亮亮的（女孩子都是这样的吧应该？）

所以指甲还是要做的，头发也是要做的。但是早餐和午餐，我可以不吃节约点.

公司有个超级好的咖啡机,这样早上和下午的咖啡就在公司解决(省7块每天)

中午与其在外面买takeaway不如在safeway买ingredients，在公司自己做三明治（省5块每天）

其实这样不仅省钱，而且还变的超级健康（下周可以详细记录以下工作午餐）

而且发现一周少说都能省下50块（我的beauty budget也才一周50块而已）

这样的话，我又可以美美的，还能瘦瘦的，更可以见健康康的。

Taking a touch of spring with me wherever I go